Update

Well I FINALLY feel better, after almost two weeks!! Friday evening was the absolute worst, to the point where I nearly drove myself to the hospital on my way home from work. I was scared that I would not wake up Saturday morning, I have never been so sick. I made it though and can actually eat without getting sick to my stomach. I am taking probiotics and drinking nutrition drinks, but did splurge on a margarita or two at the party yesterday. Thank goodness....now I can get back to my summer.

Thanks to everyone who was concerned. I Love you all. I promise, next time I will be quicker to respond to sickness.....Not going through that again!

Not Feeling Great

I have not felt like writing, or doing much else this week. I have not felt good at all. It started with nausea last weekend, then Tuesday I began getting sharp pains in my stomach. I now have constant "indigestion" type pain in my upper stomach. The symptoms resemble both a stomach ulcer or a hiatal hernia, but who knows..I am no doctor. Yes, I know I should go see one. I have not eaten more than saltine crackers for 3 days and drinking my 8-10 glasses of water a day has become impossible, as water only aggravates my stomach. I woke up last night with pain completely reminiscent of my gallstone attacks of 10 yrs ago, before the doctors pulled that pesky/useless organ right out me. I just want to feel better.

I am sure whatever this condition could be, has something to do with stress. I have not done well learning to let things go, especially at work. I am tired and I want to enjoy this gorgeous weather, which Mother Nature has so kindly bestowed upon us all. My Sweets is having a Memorial Day Bash this weekend, I HAVE to feel better by then. There is far too much eating, drinking and laughing to do...I can not spend the whole time curled in a ball upstairs. I have made it a 4-day weekend from work, taking a vacation day on Tuesday. The Floater (horse dentist) is coming and then I am going out with a friend. I will have fun, I will feel better, I will be happy.

mavilian

There is a username I have not seen in a long time. Nicky passed away in July of last year and still, I see his name and can not stop the tears from flowing. I was cancelling old orders in our system, and he happened to have created on of them in 2003. This is the second time I feel like I have deleted my friend. http://cutepita.blogspot.com/2006/08/delete-nick.html

I will always miss my friend and will never "delete" him from my heart or my soul...

Scarecrow....Here I Come

I found a way to listen to my internet radio again (don't tell the tech geeks at corporate), and there was one of those annoying interruption beeps, followed by a warning. There is a TORNADO watch for the area until 6pm! A damn tornado...in Rhode Island...are you kidding me? So, goodbye to all, my little red sneaker (my Toyota Matrix) and I will be blown away, and off to Oz. With my luck, I will land slam-dunk in the middle of that haunted forest with the trees that slap you and chuck apples at your head. I am always hungry...that would just be so wrong. Emeralds are my favorite stone though, so I would love Emerald City. I hope I get to see a "horse of a different color".....unlike my whacko mare, "a horse with a looney mind."

Ok, I realize the chances of a major tornado are slim, but the thought is far more interesting than simply having to drive home in the pouring rain, with the forecasted hale blinding me as I try to navigate through a roadway which notoriously floods.

I finally convinced My Love to let me take his dogs to the vet for their annual appointment. They need to go soon and he works so much, he can not find the time to even make the appointment. He did not want to put me out and have me deal with two goofy labs. Please! I think I can handle it, I want to do something helpful. Honestly, I do not do much for him, from what I can see. He lets me stay in his beautiful home whenever I want, I can use any of his trucks if I need them, he buys me dinner all the time and is always making me smile. Taking the two blondes to the vet is the least I can do. I am NOT tying them into the back of the truck though, they will have to travel in my little car. Maybe they won't decide to blow their entire winter coats into my upholstery, nor will they drool all over my windows. Yeah, right! Oh well, it's for my guy. Besides, I am sure with a slight smile and pleading eyes, he would love to vac out the car for me afterwards. :-)

Nada Mucho

Not that this thought really relates to anything important, but am I the only person who thinks the song "Ticks" by Brad Paisley is slightly disturbing? Ok, maybe it's just me. Ticks have always totally wigged me out, so the fact that he is singing about picking them off a girl after she walks through a field totally grosses me out. I know...utterly irrelavent, but it was on my mind. :-)

Not too much is new in my little world. I have not been feeling great the past couple of days, constantly cold (what else is new) and just feeling drained....just another sign of my desperate need for a vacation. I am on the outs again with the family (again, what else is new?). I got home, after another long, crappy-ass day at work, to find my sister's car in my parking spot. I know, it may seem petty, but as I pay half the mortgage and my name is on the mortgage, and I have parked in that spot for the past 5 years of owning this home, I think her taking my spot was rude. As a matter of principle, I had her car moved. Am I wrong? She already lives in my house for free, despite my not wanting her there. I think the least she can do is stay the hell out of my spot and use some other part of our rather extensive driveway. I did not have a fit, I merely stated to Mom that I would not tolerate her taking over my spot and it needs to be moved. It was moved by the time I arrived home from the barn. I am sure Mom moved it, especially since it was tucked into the side of the driveway and not out in the middle, blocking everyone, as my sister normally parks. Am I a petty bitch? Maybe, but tough shit. I did offer for her to leave me a check for half the mortgage and she could leave her car in my spot. Alas, apparently contributing to the household wasn't acceptable for the Princess.

On a more positive note, the latest book for bookclub is actually pretty good. "Prodigal Summer" by Barbara Kingsolver is fairly amusing, describing the lives of two very witty women and two elderly neighbors, who's interactions have made me laugh more than once. I am really enjoying it, though only have a week to finish the book, which is over 500 pages. I am a slow reader, and with my schedule, I only have my 40 minutes at lunch to read. I am worried I will not finish in time for our meeting. I think this weekend I will find a quiet spot and relax with my book. After our reading so many "self-help" type books in the group, it is fun to finally read something for sheer entertainment. It has been a long time since I actually laughed out loud while reading anything other than an email or a blog. We are also having a psychic come to one of the upcoming meetings. I am both excited and nervous at the prospect of a psychic reading. If anything, it will certainly be interesting to hear.

TGIFF

I think everyone can easily guess what the additional F is in that little phrase. By 8AM this morning, I could not decide whether to put my head on my desk and sob or throw something heavy at the supervisor with whom I began my day arguing. I am sick of telling these people the same things and being dismissed, as though I make this shit up. FINE....break all the compliance rules, get bagged by the Department of Environmental Protection, get fined, get the customer fined...I am tired of saving your asses. Shitheads! I should have thrown something.

Ok, rant is over.

It has been a rough week all around as far as work goes. No one seems to be having too much fun and it seems 95% of us would LOVE to get fired these days. One of my friends at corporate said she thinks she will have to go to work wearing granny panties and singing the Canadian National Anthem in order to get fired. I would tweak that a bit, keep the granny panties, but sing Ludacris' "Get Back".

"Hey, you want WHAT with me?! I'm gonna tell you one time, don't F*CK with me! Get down! Beat his ass.. ain't got nothin'to lose, and i'm havin a bad day, don't make me take it out on you!"

Haa - just imagine. I will walk right into the CEO's office...maybe make it a U-tube moment.

Ah, we all need dreams.

Great Idea!

I started this morning off right! I decided yesterday that I would change my routine and give myself some exercise, along with time alone to relax. How can I do this with my schedule? I am now riding my back to S' house at night after my barn work, and then home in the morning. I go to see him each night, as we are both quite busy during the day and in the early evenings, it works out well to end the day with each other. I treasure having someone with whom I can fall asleep and wake up to each morning. I figured the ride from my house to his would take about a half hour...totally miscalculated. It only took me 15mins! It felt great early this morning to ride my bike through the quiet streets, watching the sun rise and the mist dry up over the large fields. The near silence of the morning is extremely relaxing and a perfect way to start my day. I feel great.

Quote/Realization of the Day

I like this one. "Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." - Bertrand Russell

I have always believed that being referred to as eccentric was a compliment. Why always think and act in the same ways as the majority. Variety is the spice of life, eh?

On another note......I was not feeling great about life or myself this morning. I am tired and feel like I am constantly rushing around, never leaving time to stop and enjoy a moment. As I do everything with haste, I think of how I would like to just stop, drop what I am doing and enjoy the warm breeze, or watch the sun go down. This rushing through life has not placed me in a good frame of mind and it needs to stop. I am left angry and frazzled....and on the verge of tears. Normally, by this time of year, I have gone on some sort of vacation, going to a place where rushing around to get things done is unnecessary. I could use such a vacation now, but due to monetary constraints and most especially Kayla's illness, I need to stick close to home. I am, however, going to slow down. The tornado which I have become in my mind has damaged my relationship with my horse, we have lost our connection and need to get it back before one of us gets seriously hurt. She has a mysterious injury on her leg, to which I must tend. Until she is 100% healed, we will spend out time getting to know each other again.

Life is not worth living if we constantly miss the special moments with those with love, always grasping for the future ahead. The present is now, it is here to be explored. The future is always there, no need to run to it, it is not going anywhere.

The Good, The Bad and the Rude

It was an interesting weekend. After work Friday, I had to rush to the mall to find a bra that wouldn't show under the low-cut dress I was wearing to a wedding, and some nylons that I was dreading to wear. When I am on a mission at the mall, get out of my way! I do not have time for people strolling about shooting the shit, or half-dressed teenagers standing around either flirting or mocking each other. I want to get in, grab what I need and get the hell out, especially when I have dinner plans with my Love and an impatient 5 year old. :)

I am making head-way with little J-bird. She sat on my side of the table, giving Daddy a much needed break from telling her to sit still. I taught her a new word game and watched her munch on steak tips. Funny to watch a young kid enjoy steak so much. We had a nice evening, though she was upset I would not stay in her bed and watch a movie, but I do need to spent time with the Big Kid too.

Saturday was my friend's wedding in New Jersey. I have not seen Franky in so long, it was great to see him smiling. The wedding was amazing, more food than I have ever seen and open bar all night....always adds to the fun. It was nice to have someone special to join me. S had a good time and was very patient with a rather drunk man at the table, who informed S that if I lived in NJ, this guy and I would definitely be dating. TD is a hoot, but first off, I don't date men who work for the same company I do and he is bit too wild for me. What a riot though, never will meet anyone like him. Those nylons I ran to the mall to buy....halfway through the reception, they ended up in the trash receptacle in the ladies room. I was all set with that damn uncomfortable crap on me. Like I told S, "They had to go." It was great to meet Franky's bride, and some guys from the company I have spoken to so many times, but never had the pleasure of meeting in person. Overall, a very nice time.

Sunday was a day to crash. We got home from NJ in the early afternoon and it was too cold outside to get any motivation to either do yard work or go to the barn. The horses were fine without me. I think I may be a bad influence on my Love though....not like him to not get right to work. Hee hee. Eh, it's good for him to be lazy once in a great while. We enjoyed each other's company, nothing better on a chilly Sunday afternoon.

Something I found somewhat hurtful was said to me last night. A friend of S is pregnant, due at the end of the month. I have had a feeling she was not too keen on me from the beginning, but I ignored it. Last night, as we talked about her having her baby, she turned to me and said I would "never be able to handle having a baby." I did not respond, not worth it, but how does one make that statement, not knowing anything about me. She is having her second baby and she is younger than myself, and I do not have any children, does that make me somehow incapable? I have found that women who have children can sometimes think that those who do not are somehow not as tough or even not as "good a woman". Whether I want children someday or not, I know I could "handle" giving birth and I would be a good mother. I just think that she does not think before she speaks and that was a rude thing to say. I wish people would try to think before they open their mouths, especially to someone they barely know. Ah well, I still hope her all the best with her baby, maybe it will help her mature some. I will chock her spoiled brat behavior of recent to hormones...we'll see after she gives birth if her behavior changes.

Life Lessons

I received this bit of advice in an email today, from someone who is sure to remind me daily to smile and be positive. I keep re-reading it and wondering if the life I am meant to have has begun yet. If it has not, I have no one to blame but myself.

Beautifully stated
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever
let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every
time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been
hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll
never get back.
"Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never
begin."
~anonymous~