My riding season did not end well last year with my horse. Through a couple falls, my back being out of whack and just general stresses, I lost the bond with my horse that I had treasured the year before. I became frustrated with bad rides and scared to fall and hurt my back more, so I stopped riding very early in the season. To be completely honest, I just dropped my horse all together and she's PISSED.
I need to make it up to her. Like CV says, that mare loves me and tries so hard to please, but she also knows when I am not "there" for her. Now she walks away from me, pulls her head away when I go to pat her and is generally hornery with me. It is completely my fault, and I know that.
I have been reading "Chicken Soup for the Horse Lovers Soul." It was a birthday gift from CV and it could not have come at a better time. The weather will be getting better soon (hopefully) and I will need to get ready to ride. My back is still not up to par and my mare is still feeling rejected, so we will take it slow. Through reading this book and the wonderful stories in it, I have come to a realization about what lead to the decline in my riding abilities. I forgot why I wanted this horse in the first place. Yes, she is a lovely mover. Maybe she should be in the show ring, winning ribbons in dressage. Maybe I should want to show off my hard work and be proud of my abilities. I am proud, no, I was proud. I am not proud of the fact that my trying so hard to get it perfect and impress those who were pushing me to enter the dressage world and show has put a rift between my horse and I. It is not about winning ribbons or making anyone else happy. I love my horses because they are my friends, because they calm me and give me purpose. They need me, yet I need them so much more. I need Capall to look at me with the soft eyes I used to see. I need to know her next move before she makes it, like I did with my old friends of the past. I need to sit quietly in the field and relax, every few minutes feeling her soft my muzzle moving my foot about as she nibbles grass next to me. I want Capall to trust me again, to not flare up with nervousness when I pull out her tack. I want us both to enjoy our time. I miss my friend, I know she misses me. It's time to begin mending the rift. It will not be easy, mares are not one's to easily forgive. It's ok though, we have all the time in the world.
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I hate to say it, but that's part of the reason I backed out of dressage..the people. They look to turn horses into machines, and because everything in dressage is so rigid and the most minute details make a difference between a blue and a red ribbon, anything short of perfect is unacceptable and that becomes a part of their personalities. That whole dressage -mentality seems to take the fun out of being a horse-person.
And be careful! I hope she doesn't get barn-sour in the winter...
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