No, there is nothing wrong between me and my Man. I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, not only those with lovers, but friends, family members, coworkers...human relationships in general. Humans are far more difficult than they really need to be.
I have some friends who have been going through a tough time with the men in their lives. One is married, sadly enough to a man who can not seem to decide what he wants. It is rubbing off on her. A woman who gives all of herself to the ones she loves, is lost...left questioning her own existence. She waits in limbo for him to tell her if she can be his wife or if she needs to make a life for herself, without him. She does not want to give up on them, she wants to make their marriage better. If only those we loved could see themselves through our eyes, rather than with the blinders of the human ego. I have been in this type of relationship and it is far more punishing to try to convince someone of their worth and potential. I found I ended up losing the ability to see my own worth and potential.
Another friend of mine is getting over her marriage and trying to move on. Her ex has not bothered to contact her or her son to ask how they are, he has just decided they are nothing to him. How does one move on in such a callous manner? It was time for these two to separate, but does it have to end in anger? I guess it is the only way humans can sever ties, through anger and dramatic storytelling in our own minds. My friend has tried to find love with someone with whom she is better connected, but the one man for whom she feels such intense positive emotion, is not ready. He is still carrying baggage from past pains and can not seem to let it go. This "relationship baggage" seems to plague all of us. Who can honestly say he/she carries none? Why can there not be a conveyor belt, such as those at the airport, where we can simply drop off these heavy mind burdens and watch it just disappear into a seeming abyss? Would we miss it? Possibly we would, it is part of us, defines part of our character. Would we be incomplete without it?
I try to learn from my past, take the parts which can aid me into being a better human. I am not finding this task to be an easy one, but none the less, I will continue to try. I am lucky. I found someone who is truly good to me and makes me happy. There are no guarantees in life, but I am going to continue my time with this man and hope this love will last as long as our lives.
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2 comments:
Relationships can be so tough. If we could only drown into the ocean of love instead of resisting the waves, we would all be at peace with one another.
We all seem to have the "relationship baggage" following us everywhere. I struggle "within" with my own not alone meeting someone new and they have their own baggage. Then.. that luggage gets pretty darn heavy to deal with. Sometimes, I wonder if it's just best to be alone? But, who wants to be alone?
So.. we must "let go" of the baggage and move on. Leave the past in the past. Look at the present moment. The present is all we have. The future is not here. We must surrender to that ocean of love. Drown in it completely. It's the only way.
However, at the moment, I can't seem to allow myself to drown in it. So, I just continue to gurgle... choke... as the waves toss me about. One of these days.... i will surrender.
L.
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