I opted to stay in tonight. Normally we go to a local pub to see friends on Sunday nights, but I am tired and have a headache, which I am pretty certain is related to a serious lack of sleep as of late. Why am I not sleeping? Well, there is the constant waking up to go to the bathroom (even when I don't drink much before bed). I have been having a lot of busy dreams lately as well, ranging from foolishness, to dreams about work, to ones I know plague me, but I can not recall once I am awake. I would like a full night's sleep, at least once a week.
I do not have the pup yet. She can not be shipped from Puerto Rico for another two weeks. I wish I had her now, the more I wait, the more I think I should not have adopt another dog at this time. There is so much going on right now. I am trying to find a new job, all the while attempting to open dog kennel in the next year. My home life continues to be a mess, as I can't stand the situation with my sister. My Love still fights with his Ex for custody of his daughter. It is hard to watch such a fight. No matter what happens, the child suffers. My heart breaks for her. Her Daddy loves her more than anything, but he can not protect her from the hurt of a broken home.
I guess the uncertainty of the future is what is keeping me awake and stressing me to the point of three cold sores in one week. My worry about the future is a trait that has always been an issue for me. So many people are trapped in the past, yet I am drained by anticipation for the future. Either way, one misses out on the present. I do try. Lately though, I have lost my ability to relax my mind. It is in fast-forward. I will keeping working on hitting pause...at least long enough to enjoy the love I have found and the friends who were from my past, are in my present, and I am sure will be there for my future.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
How True
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Ah Well
I probably can not get the new puppy for another three weeks. After hearing that news, I had myself a bigtime mental temper tantrum. The little me in my head was jumping up and down and whining.."I want my puppy NOW". LOL Hey, it's a human trait to want instant gratification, can't help it. I am better now though, she will be worth waiting for.
I was allowed to finally change my hours at work. I backed them up a half hour, 7am-3pm. I am hoping to have a bit more time in the evening to exercise and spend with my new puppy (when she FINALLY arrives...ok, so maybe I am still a bit whiney about it. hee hee). The traffic is so rough, especially in the afternoon, hopefully leaving here earlier will shorten my commute a bit. It took about a week for my boss to make the decision, which should have been a fairly easy one. My arriving earlier in the afternoon will make life easier for my drivers and foreman, as they will not have to wait as long for paperwork in the morning. Most of my rush time is first thing when I get in, so this should make life not so crammed.
I still ran into moron commuters who apparently can not read numbers, as they never get to the posted speedlimit, some going even 15mph below the speedlimit. It makes me so crazy to be behind someone going 35-40 in a clearly marked 50mph zone. I can understand large, loaded trucks, but a regular car??? Then there are those people who don't think they should have to use their turn signal....they should be slapped around a few times. Last time I checked, a turn signal was standard in EVERY car and if it does not work...get it fixed ya cheap S.OB! It just strikes me as utterly inconsiderate to go as slow as you want, and then suddenly stop to turn without warning. Are people doing it on purpose or are they just that oblivious to the fact that they are not the only people on the road? Argh! There is not enough coffee in Columbia to help deal with these bozos in the morning.
I was allowed to finally change my hours at work. I backed them up a half hour, 7am-3pm. I am hoping to have a bit more time in the evening to exercise and spend with my new puppy (when she FINALLY arrives...ok, so maybe I am still a bit whiney about it. hee hee). The traffic is so rough, especially in the afternoon, hopefully leaving here earlier will shorten my commute a bit. It took about a week for my boss to make the decision, which should have been a fairly easy one. My arriving earlier in the afternoon will make life easier for my drivers and foreman, as they will not have to wait as long for paperwork in the morning. Most of my rush time is first thing when I get in, so this should make life not so crammed.
I still ran into moron commuters who apparently can not read numbers, as they never get to the posted speedlimit, some going even 15mph below the speedlimit. It makes me so crazy to be behind someone going 35-40 in a clearly marked 50mph zone. I can understand large, loaded trucks, but a regular car??? Then there are those people who don't think they should have to use their turn signal....they should be slapped around a few times. Last time I checked, a turn signal was standard in EVERY car and if it does not work...get it fixed ya cheap S.OB! It just strikes me as utterly inconsiderate to go as slow as you want, and then suddenly stop to turn without warning. Are people doing it on purpose or are they just that oblivious to the fact that they are not the only people on the road? Argh! There is not enough coffee in Columbia to help deal with these bozos in the morning.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
No More Pain!
I have not written it a bit, but certainly not due to lack of thoughts needing to be expressed. I have neither had the time, nor the gumption to write my true thoughts.
Vacation was fun. My Love and I tried to think of some fun activities to do with J-Bird. She and I did a lot of coloring. Even at the ripe ol' age of 30, I still can't stay in the lines. J-Bird says it's ok, nobody's perfect. :-) We made a trip on the train to Boston to go to the Children's Museum, which was fine despite the long train ride. We went to the Carnival, rode our bikes on the Cape Cod Canal, and enjoyed some cookouts for the 4th. My extended family finally got to meet My Love and his beautiful little girl, and they found them both to be wonderful...of course. We also went to the zoo, which I think I enjoyed more than anyone. I had a hard time by the end of the week with J's whining, but I am not used to a 5-year old, so it will take time. She is a great little girl, and I pray daily her father wins the custody battle so he can ensure his little girl does not grow up to be selfish and manipulative, like her mother.
I decided that week that I need a dog in my life. I have Isis, my beloved Chow-bella, but she is 11years old and my Mom walks her. It is unfair for me to be taking her for walks and tiring Isis out, leaving my Mom with no dog to walk. My Love has two labs, but they are his dogs, one of them doesn't listen to me, and I feel terrible if I separate them to walk one. I attempted to adopt a dog from the shelter at which I had worked during college, but it attacked Isis, so I had to bring her back. After the trauma of watching my Isis be bitten by something I brought home, I decided I was wrong, I did not want another dog. Part of me does not want another dog. I miss Kayla, I want Kayla, but I can't have her. I NEED another dog. I need to go walking, I need someone to whom I can confide my deepest thoughts, who will not feel the need to give me advice, but just listen and love me unconditionally. I need someone with whom I can escape into the woods and have great adventures.
Over the winter, I saw a special on the local town station about Satos, mixed breed dogs from Vieques, Puerto Rico. On a hunch, I sent an email to the Viequas Humane Society, and though the dog I had asked about was being adopted to a family in Connecticut, they just got in a litter of 3 female puppies. They appear to be dalmation mixes, but they can't be sure. If all goes well, I will be adopting one of these beautiful pups and having her flown from Puerto Rico to Boston. I am very excited, though nervous at the concept of that much responsibility. I think this is the kick in the pants I need to get out of my current funk.
My insecurity level as of late has been far too high. My back problems are the main catalyst for this issue, as I am constantly in pain. This weekend I had to stop my riding lesson and sit on the ground beside my horse, as I couldn't sit in the saddle any longer. I spent an hour in the shower and then fell asleep in tears, full of frustration and sadness. I have a man who loves me and would give anything to make me feel better, but even his arms around me can't take this pain away. I haven't been exercising enough either, and am angry with myself for losing any of the muscle I had begun to develope in support of my lower back. We are moving the treadmill from my house to his house, as I spend more time there and I will be walking my new pup every night. I will get back to being fit and strong, I have to. I am steadily becoming a burden to those around me, and I can never allow that to happen. I will not stop riding my horse, riding my bike, cleaning my stalls or walking my dogs. Those are the activities which I love and keep me sane. To stop being active would mentally and physically cripple me.
On a more positive note...here's a pic of the pup. How friggin' cute is she?
Vacation was fun. My Love and I tried to think of some fun activities to do with J-Bird. She and I did a lot of coloring. Even at the ripe ol' age of 30, I still can't stay in the lines. J-Bird says it's ok, nobody's perfect. :-) We made a trip on the train to Boston to go to the Children's Museum, which was fine despite the long train ride. We went to the Carnival, rode our bikes on the Cape Cod Canal, and enjoyed some cookouts for the 4th. My extended family finally got to meet My Love and his beautiful little girl, and they found them both to be wonderful...of course. We also went to the zoo, which I think I enjoyed more than anyone. I had a hard time by the end of the week with J's whining, but I am not used to a 5-year old, so it will take time. She is a great little girl, and I pray daily her father wins the custody battle so he can ensure his little girl does not grow up to be selfish and manipulative, like her mother.
I decided that week that I need a dog in my life. I have Isis, my beloved Chow-bella, but she is 11years old and my Mom walks her. It is unfair for me to be taking her for walks and tiring Isis out, leaving my Mom with no dog to walk. My Love has two labs, but they are his dogs, one of them doesn't listen to me, and I feel terrible if I separate them to walk one. I attempted to adopt a dog from the shelter at which I had worked during college, but it attacked Isis, so I had to bring her back. After the trauma of watching my Isis be bitten by something I brought home, I decided I was wrong, I did not want another dog. Part of me does not want another dog. I miss Kayla, I want Kayla, but I can't have her. I NEED another dog. I need to go walking, I need someone to whom I can confide my deepest thoughts, who will not feel the need to give me advice, but just listen and love me unconditionally. I need someone with whom I can escape into the woods and have great adventures.
Over the winter, I saw a special on the local town station about Satos, mixed breed dogs from Vieques, Puerto Rico. On a hunch, I sent an email to the Viequas Humane Society, and though the dog I had asked about was being adopted to a family in Connecticut, they just got in a litter of 3 female puppies. They appear to be dalmation mixes, but they can't be sure. If all goes well, I will be adopting one of these beautiful pups and having her flown from Puerto Rico to Boston. I am very excited, though nervous at the concept of that much responsibility. I think this is the kick in the pants I need to get out of my current funk.
My insecurity level as of late has been far too high. My back problems are the main catalyst for this issue, as I am constantly in pain. This weekend I had to stop my riding lesson and sit on the ground beside my horse, as I couldn't sit in the saddle any longer. I spent an hour in the shower and then fell asleep in tears, full of frustration and sadness. I have a man who loves me and would give anything to make me feel better, but even his arms around me can't take this pain away. I haven't been exercising enough either, and am angry with myself for losing any of the muscle I had begun to develope in support of my lower back. We are moving the treadmill from my house to his house, as I spend more time there and I will be walking my new pup every night. I will get back to being fit and strong, I have to. I am steadily becoming a burden to those around me, and I can never allow that to happen. I will not stop riding my horse, riding my bike, cleaning my stalls or walking my dogs. Those are the activities which I love and keep me sane. To stop being active would mentally and physically cripple me.
On a more positive note...here's a pic of the pup. How friggin' cute is she?
Sunday, July 01, 2007
So It Begins
My vacation has begun. I have the next week off from work...YAHOOOOO! Normally when I take an entire week, rather than a couple days here and there, I am going away somewhere. This year, I am sticking around. My Honey has the week off as well and he has J-Bird for the week, so the three of us are going to have some fun together. Friday night we went to dinner with J's Aunt and Uncle and their 1yr old son. What a cutie! We had a great dinner, then came back to S's house and he made us margaritas. They were WAY too good. J-bird went to bed before our guests arrived, but the baby was up and wandering around the whole time. What energy! He really wanted to get his tiny hands on one of the "adult beverages", so the first half hour was spent trying to distract him from the fun glasses with pretty straws sticking out. Finally he did give up, and decided it would be more fun to trash J's train set. Ah well, Daddy will fix it. :-)
Yesterday I kidnapped my pal "Daisy" and we headed to a funky bead store in Scituate. I needed to find something to which to glue my "Mexican fire agate" and make a necklace. After searching the store for about an hour, I finally asked and the piece I needed was in behind the counter...of course. The girl glued my stone on for me and I now have a very pretty necklace. I felt bad dragging my friend on such a silly venture, but she was a good sport and it was great to have company on one of my crazy adventures.
My Honey and I went to see Ron White last night at the Cape Cod Melody tent. It was a good time. We left late because he had problems with the new machine he uses for work, but we got to the show in plenty of time and enjoyed some good laughs, both by the opening act (who's name I can't remember, but he was great) and Mr. White. There were a few bozos in the crowd, making obnoxious comments, but Ron handled it perfectly and the show went very well. I can't believe how much scotch that man can drink and still get through a show. I would have been passed out on the stage!
Two cookouts today! Yikes, I am not good with having too many social engagements, but I guess it has to be done. First, S and I are going to a birthday cookout at his friend's for their 7year old son. We will stay there a couple hours and then head to my Aunt's cookout. S has never met my extended family, so I hope it goes well. I am hoping J won't be too tired, there will be plenty of kids with whom she can play and a giant inground pool for swimming. I am definitely bringing my bathing suit! I am craving a good swim. Hopefully this week we can take S's boat out and have some fun in the water.
So, I have plenty to do this week...riding lessons, visiting friends I never see anymore and getting my brain waves organized again. Wish me luck. It's been stressful lately, time for rejuvenation.
Yesterday I kidnapped my pal "Daisy" and we headed to a funky bead store in Scituate. I needed to find something to which to glue my "Mexican fire agate" and make a necklace. After searching the store for about an hour, I finally asked and the piece I needed was in behind the counter...of course. The girl glued my stone on for me and I now have a very pretty necklace. I felt bad dragging my friend on such a silly venture, but she was a good sport and it was great to have company on one of my crazy adventures.
My Honey and I went to see Ron White last night at the Cape Cod Melody tent. It was a good time. We left late because he had problems with the new machine he uses for work, but we got to the show in plenty of time and enjoyed some good laughs, both by the opening act (who's name I can't remember, but he was great) and Mr. White. There were a few bozos in the crowd, making obnoxious comments, but Ron handled it perfectly and the show went very well. I can't believe how much scotch that man can drink and still get through a show. I would have been passed out on the stage!
Two cookouts today! Yikes, I am not good with having too many social engagements, but I guess it has to be done. First, S and I are going to a birthday cookout at his friend's for their 7year old son. We will stay there a couple hours and then head to my Aunt's cookout. S has never met my extended family, so I hope it goes well. I am hoping J won't be too tired, there will be plenty of kids with whom she can play and a giant inground pool for swimming. I am definitely bringing my bathing suit! I am craving a good swim. Hopefully this week we can take S's boat out and have some fun in the water.
So, I have plenty to do this week...riding lessons, visiting friends I never see anymore and getting my brain waves organized again. Wish me luck. It's been stressful lately, time for rejuvenation.
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