No More Pain!

I have not written it a bit, but certainly not due to lack of thoughts needing to be expressed. I have neither had the time, nor the gumption to write my true thoughts.

Vacation was fun. My Love and I tried to think of some fun activities to do with J-Bird. She and I did a lot of coloring. Even at the ripe ol' age of 30, I still can't stay in the lines. J-Bird says it's ok, nobody's perfect. :-) We made a trip on the train to Boston to go to the Children's Museum, which was fine despite the long train ride. We went to the Carnival, rode our bikes on the Cape Cod Canal, and enjoyed some cookouts for the 4th. My extended family finally got to meet My Love and his beautiful little girl, and they found them both to be wonderful...of course. We also went to the zoo, which I think I enjoyed more than anyone. I had a hard time by the end of the week with J's whining, but I am not used to a 5-year old, so it will take time. She is a great little girl, and I pray daily her father wins the custody battle so he can ensure his little girl does not grow up to be selfish and manipulative, like her mother.


I decided that week that I need a dog in my life. I have Isis, my beloved Chow-bella, but she is 11years old and my Mom walks her. It is unfair for me to be taking her for walks and tiring Isis out, leaving my Mom with no dog to walk. My Love has two labs, but they are his dogs, one of them doesn't listen to me, and I feel terrible if I separate them to walk one. I attempted to adopt a dog from the shelter at which I had worked during college, but it attacked Isis, so I had to bring her back. After the trauma of watching my Isis be bitten by something I brought home, I decided I was wrong, I did not want another dog. Part of me does not want another dog. I miss Kayla, I want Kayla, but I can't have her. I NEED another dog. I need to go walking, I need someone to whom I can confide my deepest thoughts, who will not feel the need to give me advice, but just listen and love me unconditionally. I need someone with whom I can escape into the woods and have great adventures.


Over the winter, I saw a special on the local town station about Satos, mixed breed dogs from Vieques, Puerto Rico. On a hunch, I sent an email to the Viequas Humane Society, and though the dog I had asked about was being adopted to a family in Connecticut, they just got in a litter of 3 female puppies. They appear to be dalmation mixes, but they can't be sure. If all goes well, I will be adopting one of these beautiful pups and having her flown from Puerto Rico to Boston. I am very excited, though nervous at the concept of that much responsibility. I think this is the kick in the pants I need to get out of my current funk.


My insecurity level as of late has been far too high. My back problems are the main catalyst for this issue, as I am constantly in pain. This weekend I had to stop my riding lesson and sit on the ground beside my horse, as I couldn't sit in the saddle any longer. I spent an hour in the shower and then fell asleep in tears, full of frustration and sadness. I have a man who loves me and would give anything to make me feel better, but even his arms around me can't take this pain away. I haven't been exercising enough either, and am angry with myself for losing any of the muscle I had begun to develope in support of my lower back. We are moving the treadmill from my house to his house, as I spend more time there and I will be walking my new pup every night. I will get back to being fit and strong, I have to. I am steadily becoming a burden to those around me, and I can never allow that to happen. I will not stop riding my horse, riding my bike, cleaning my stalls or walking my dogs. Those are the activities which I love and keep me sane. To stop being active would mentally and physically cripple me.


On a more positive note...here's a pic of the pup. How friggin' cute is she?