No Time to Type, so Sharing Discoveries

I have not had time to post anything about my own days, but I was sent an article I felt was interesting enough to post. Any thoughts or opinions are greatly encouraged.

The Art of Not Being Offended
By Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli
There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date.

In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young.

Yes, this is psychodynamic. But let's face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.

All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each other's life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding.

A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing — we don't have to take life personally. If it weren't us, it would likely be someone else.

This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering — even if they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing.

People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one's therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to make the world a better place.

This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, "Thank you for sharing," and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us.

When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.

The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.

Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli conducts workshops in the Chicago area regularly. She is the author of the recently released book How to Be a Mystic in a Traffic Jam.

Just Funny

A friend of mine sent this link. It amused me, so I am posting it. Enjoy.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/it_only_tuesday

Balance In A Crooked World

As some may have noticed, I am trying to enhance my blog a bit. I want to add more pictures, but of course, have not picked up my camera in a bit. It needs more cheer. I named this blog my Bandwagon Lanyard to make it my way of staying on the "positive bandwagon", but it had been hard lately. I decided writing about things which bother me is ok, but it needs balance. What better than pictures that make me smile?

Some Things Never Change

I try to think positive. I try to believe things will get better, but lately...bah! I still have no idea when my job switch will occur. This is my third transfer within this company and the third time I have been screwed around with by the powers that be. Some things never change.

I am the Queen of interesting email signatures at work. I love changing them on a near weekly basis, modifying the font and changing the little picture, depending on my mood. Well, no more! It is against company policy.

Note: The use of icons, i.e., pictures of phones, faxes, and trucks, logos, happy faces, etc. are prohibited. The use of colored, textured, pictured or backgrounds with graphics are also prohibited.

They have created an utterly boring template signature, which we MUST all use. There will be NO INDIVIDUALITY in this company. Fun of any kind must be stomped. We are merely minions to a huge corporation; drones, if you will. It is a sad day when I must delete my utterly adorable signature creations. A sad day indeed. Some things never change.

I was told that I could expect reimbursement on a load to someone, which is nearly 2 years past due. When I read the message stating I could expect a weekly check, my first thought was...same old story, different day. Part of me did want to believe things had changed, that this person would follow through on an old promise. Alas, two weeks later, nothing. Am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed? I can not help it, yes I am. I want to believe in people. Sometimes it just does not help. Could there be a logical explanation? Possibly, but how many times can one be burned by false-hope before finally accepting the truth. Some things never change.

I lost my mojo, yet again. This slump I have fallen into seems to be unending. I am letting things get to me, which a year ago would have rolled off my chest. What happened? I think a combination of a lot of different stresses and events over the past several months has just brought me down. I have been here before and just need to slap myself out of it. I need to stop dwelling on the little things and remember things are getting better, I have more positives than negatives and I am learning. I forget that sometimes. Some things never change.

A Whole Lot of Thinking, Not A Lot of Typing

I have probably written 5 blogs in the past 3 days. Trouble is, they were all in my head. My mind normally is spinning while I drive, thoughts about the past day, my present mission and all the crap I have to do in the near future. It tends to make for a lot of missed turns and forgotten errands.

Lately, I have been thinking about getting older. I am thirty, soon to be thirty-one years old. No, I am not old (though I feel old many pain-ridden days). Many of my friends are either getting married or having babies. Should I feel left behind? I have a wonderful man in my life. I would marry him in an instant, but really, it is not something I crave. I do not sit home wishing he would propose. I do not ever bring up marriage and children. I am enjoying just being around him. We have things to do. He is fighting for custody of his daughter. We are both busy with work. We are in no hurry. Is there something wrong with that fact? I often wonder if I am abnormal because I am not looking to be married and have children. I am not sure if I ever want to have a baby. I figure when the time comes and the question arises, I will see how I feel then. I know my Guy wants to marry me someday and possibly have a baby, but I guess I avoid the topic. He is not the kind of man to hold back and wonder how I feel. If he wanted to know, he would ask.

So many people rush into marriage, getting engaged after only a few months of seeing someone. I do not understand the rush. How can one really know another after such a short period of time. My Guy and I are approaching our one year anniversary, and we are still learning about each other, our likes/dislikes, odd habits and what it is like to live with each other. I think some people just want to be married. They want to say they are engaged and then married. They want that pretty little picture, when really they need something completely different. It is interesting to watch. Humans are always in such a hurry for satisfaction. I will say, my friends who are having or just did have children were smart enough to be married for at least a few years prior to trying to have a baby. They thought more about their future children than about the status symbol some people consider a baby.

I am not going to be in a hurry. I want to be settled. I can not be a good wife and could not possibly consider children until I am happy with my own existence. I want to be proud of my career. I want a home in which I feel comfortable. I want to go to bed each night knowing I have done well with my day. I want to be content. I have time, I am going to use it.

Mixed Reviews

I took a four day weekend this past weekend. I have a week of vacation left to use and want to use it before the job transfer. I, of course, had all sorts of plans for the weekend, but didn't get half of them done. I can't say the weekend was great, nor can I say it was bad. What makes me truly angry is one event is marring my entire weekend, all because of one lie. I hate being lied to, especially by someone I am supposed to be able to trust. It was unnecessary and disrespectful, but what else is new these days. I officially give up trying to keep everyone happy. I am lucky to have my Guy in my life. If it weren't for him, I think I would have packed up and left town by now.

Anyway, forget the bad shit. I did have fun this weekend. Friday night a group of us headed to Rhode Island for the Lipazzaner Stallions Show. It was a good time, amazing horses, amazing riders. I am not sure the men were very impressed, but eh..the women had fun. The most fun the men had occurred when one of the riders was almost tossed, after one of the Andalusian Stallions let out a powerful Capriole. To see a Capriole from the ground, check out this link. http://www.lipizzaner.com/Capriole.asp. Now picture a rider attempting to stay seated...unbelievable. He did stay on, but galloped out of the arena hanging off the side of this beautiful horse.

Saturday night I laughed harder than I have in a long time!! I went to dinner with a few friends at a local restaurant and had an amazing time. There are numerous pictures illustrating our antics, but none I will be posting. I haven't even shown them to my Guy yet....I wimped out! There was a Blues Band playing that night, so we danced, drank (too much) and ate (again...too much). I was in tears at least five times throughout the night. It was way too much fun, and we are planning to go back when that band returns. A little drunken debauchery once is awhile is ok, right?

Sunday was much more tame. We took J-bird apple/pumpkin picking with another family. We certainly did not need more apples, as we haven't eaten the ones from our last excursion. We did get 4 great pumpkins to be carved/decorated this coming weekend. We then went to dinner at my Guy's Dad's house. I like his Dad, nice guy and of course amusing sarcastic, like his two sons. J-bird and I just could not keep up with her Daddy at soccer. He never lets us win..the bully. J and I did laugh though, we love Our Guy!

Yesterday I spent money I do not have. I had to get some new clothes, as I have nothing to wear to the new job. I can wear whatever I want at my current office, but going to corporate means "business casual" wear, and I did not have any. I hate shopping, but I did get a few things that will get me by for the moment. My current boss refuses to confirm when I will be leaving, but my 30 days is up on the 26th, so replacement or not, I am out of here then. I requested the 25th and 26th off, we'll see if it is approved. I am having some people to dinner on the 26th, and knowing me and my cooking skills, I am definitely going to need the day to prepare.

Well, back to work. I have plenty to do...Wish me luck.

What's The Difference?

I honestly do not see the difference between "borrowing" money from someone, with no real intentions to pay it back, and stealing the money. I hate owing people money, including my credit card companies. How come some people do not feel guilty? Even if the money was taken from someone who has more than enough, it is still that person's money. I work for my money, if I need more, I should work harder. Now, I realize, there are extenuating circumstances that make borrowing from friends or family a necessity at the time, but to not pay the lender back is, in my opinion, shameful. My Mom offered to lend me money to help pay for all the medical expenses associated with Vaquita, but the pup was my choice and my problem. Granted I am now in a bit of financial distress, but I will fix it on my own. The worst is watching the person who borrowed the money spend any extra money that comes about later on frivolous things, rather than paying back debts...I just do not get it. No conscience, I guess. I have watched so many people fall into this "borrowing" hole, and once it starts, it never stops.

A friend of mine is dealing with this issue now with her ex-husband. He did not borrow money from her, but owes more credit agencies that I could count and because he was married to her at the time, the collection agencies are harassing my friend. I think that is so unfair. This guy just wanders around, not caring that his family is being constantly contacted about his debts. Again...where's the guilt?!

I am lucky. I have finally surrounded myself with people who are honest and trustworthy. I am with a guy who works extremely hard and accepts responsibility for all his own expenses. I have friends who, though they know I would lend them money if they needed, would never ask because they are responsible. Though I am seriously lacking in funds myself right now, it is ok because it will teach me to save more and move my money to and from different accounts to make everything balance out. I am learning from my experience and accepting great advise from those around me. It's all about learning.