A Whole Lot of Thinking, Not A Lot of Typing

I have probably written 5 blogs in the past 3 days. Trouble is, they were all in my head. My mind normally is spinning while I drive, thoughts about the past day, my present mission and all the crap I have to do in the near future. It tends to make for a lot of missed turns and forgotten errands.

Lately, I have been thinking about getting older. I am thirty, soon to be thirty-one years old. No, I am not old (though I feel old many pain-ridden days). Many of my friends are either getting married or having babies. Should I feel left behind? I have a wonderful man in my life. I would marry him in an instant, but really, it is not something I crave. I do not sit home wishing he would propose. I do not ever bring up marriage and children. I am enjoying just being around him. We have things to do. He is fighting for custody of his daughter. We are both busy with work. We are in no hurry. Is there something wrong with that fact? I often wonder if I am abnormal because I am not looking to be married and have children. I am not sure if I ever want to have a baby. I figure when the time comes and the question arises, I will see how I feel then. I know my Guy wants to marry me someday and possibly have a baby, but I guess I avoid the topic. He is not the kind of man to hold back and wonder how I feel. If he wanted to know, he would ask.

So many people rush into marriage, getting engaged after only a few months of seeing someone. I do not understand the rush. How can one really know another after such a short period of time. My Guy and I are approaching our one year anniversary, and we are still learning about each other, our likes/dislikes, odd habits and what it is like to live with each other. I think some people just want to be married. They want to say they are engaged and then married. They want that pretty little picture, when really they need something completely different. It is interesting to watch. Humans are always in such a hurry for satisfaction. I will say, my friends who are having or just did have children were smart enough to be married for at least a few years prior to trying to have a baby. They thought more about their future children than about the status symbol some people consider a baby.

I am not going to be in a hurry. I want to be settled. I can not be a good wife and could not possibly consider children until I am happy with my own existence. I want to be proud of my career. I want a home in which I feel comfortable. I want to go to bed each night knowing I have done well with my day. I want to be content. I have time, I am going to use it.