That Was Fast

Christmas is over. It went ok. I was not into celebrating this year and my back bothering me didn't help my mood any. I feel bad, I was quite crabby Christmas Eve and just wanted to stay in bed Christmas Day. I did have a good time. My Guy and I had a nice breakfast with my Mom on Christmas day and then messed with some of our gifts. Saturday was our two year anniversary...which both of us forgot. Oops! It's ok, we went to dinner and had a nice time just enjoying time together. Two years and still very happy together. He makes me smile. He thinks I am crazy. We were chatting at dinner and I said that we need rocking chairs to put on the farmer's porch of the house. Men never will admit to liking rocking chairs (unless it's a big lounge chair). Well, with my typical smirk, I asked him if he would "rock with me"...I could see us as two old people rocking together. He just looks at me like I am a nutjob when I come up with these ideas. When dinner was over and we climbed into his truck, he turned on the radio. I kid you not...the song playing on the radio..."Rock With You" by Michael Jackson!!! I got all excited and said it was a sign that we would be together forever. He groaned, but I know he loved it. Haaaa, so funny!!! Poor guy is stuck with me.

My Movie

Many times I wish I were an artist. If I could draw the images I have in my head, possibly it might help others understand my thoughts a bit better, possibly it might help me understand me a bit better.

As of late, I have been attempting to picture what my life is, in general. What do I see? I see myself, sitting between what appear to be two movie reels. One of the world, other people's lives, those close to me, people I run into throughout my day and the world population. Behind me is a reel displaying my own life, my dreams, my desires, my passions. I face the images that are not my own, but those of others. I watch to learn, I watch because I want to find a way to make the lives of those around me better. On occassion I turn to look at the images of myself, but that reel moves faster. The more I reach for it, the faster it flies past. Why can't I turn around and concentrate on me? Why can't I grab those dreams and desires and make them a reality? Why do I concentrate so much on the joys and troubles of others, while my own fly past me at lightening speed? I want "my movie" to move forward, not backward as it appears to me. I want to jump into the future and move with it...not watch it flow past.

Someday I will make my "movie"...something I will love to watch!

10 Steps Back

Until this past weekend, I was feeling pretty confident that my back problems would be done with by summer. I felt strong, any pain was short-lived...I was optimistic. That marvelous feeling did not last. I let things bring me down, many that I should have let roll off.

Who gets poison ivy in the winter? Me! I am guessing that what the dog ran through a week ago, when she randomly decided to veer off the path, was poison ivy or some other rash causing plant. Lucky me, I touched her right afterward and Whammo! I now have itchy blisters on my neck, above my eye and on my hand. I wake up scratching, only to make it all worse. I am just about bathing in Caladryl.

A friend of mine wants a job back with the corporation for which I work. Why, I will never know. She hated it here, got a job with a better company and now wants back in here. She has applied for a few jobs, only to be passed over. I knew of a job that would be posted at some point, but did not know when. She is now upset with me because I did not push her resume on the supervisor who would do the hiring for this new posting back months before it was ever posted. I knew he would not hold onto it, they have to wait for a posting from HR. Yet, she now believes I do not want her back here. I am left angry at the accusation and wondering how/why I get myself involved in this bullshit. "Don't take it on"...I need to remember that advice!

The passing of my very good friend's Father has brought me to a solemn place. I wish I could make her feel better, but I know only time can heal. He has been ill for a long time now. The kicker of it all is the fact that her Mother died on the exact same day six years prior! What are the chances? Does this make it easier because she already hated this date, and now can continue hating it, just double as much? Or does this fact make it worse, one unbelievably bad date in time?

When is my next day off??

I have my third session of acupuncture tonight. So far, I am not sure if I see a difference. Being out of work for 5 days straight helped me to not be in constant paint, but still it hurts. I am running again, taking my time to build up strength, rather than rushing it and really hurting myself. I have slacked off as of late eating enough protein, but with Thanksgiving, I just didn't have time for a normal diet. Last week was rough, from the two shit-bag days at work, to taking Jade to the vet because of her vision and then my Mom getting hurt on Wednesday. Nothing seemed to go as I had hoped, though Thanksgiving dinner itself went well.

I finally was able to go out and buy Mom her new bed. With her falling and getting hurt, she absolutely needed to have a comfortable bed. So far, she seems happy with what I chose. As far as shopping for Christmas, I have no idea what to buy and no idea where to get the money to do the purchasing! I am going to try to just relax about it...people will get what they get. It is the thought that counts, right? :-)