Keep The Faith

I met with my book club the other night and we all decided that we should list some of the things for which we are grateful. I left the group all gung-ho, knowing how to start my list...I am grateful for the ladies in my bookclub, but things changed far faster than I would have liked.

My Mom had gone to the hospital to see her brother. He is not doing well. My Uncle is only in his fifties, yet there is a good chance he will not make it to his next birthday. I find myself wondering how I could enthusiastically think about and list all for which I am grateful, when so much sadness plagues my family. I have gone to write all week, and put my laptop back down, feeling I had no right. Today I realized, these are the times when it is most important to recongize what is right and good in our lives, rather than constantly be consumed by the negative. I need my positive thoughts to reflect upon the rest of my family, and hopefully if we can all hold onto our love and joy, that it will help ease the pain of these times. I look at my Mom, the utter despair in her eyes, not knowing what to say or what to do, and I would give anything to take that away. I do not know how to comfort her, I can barely comfort myself. She is strong, she keeps her composure, yet I know she hurts inside. I feel guilty even laughing, but laughter is the best medicine.....and we all need some medicine for our souls right now.

This week has been loaded with stresses. I have had to spend three days at our Corporate offices in training, for a system which will, for the first few months, make our lives miserable and our jobs nearly impossible. Christmas is in about one week, yet I have not decorated my tree, I have only purchased one gift, and no cards have been sent. I am on my second major cold in two week, I have developed one of the worst cold sores in my life and I live in fear of seeing what disasters will greet me at work tomorrow. As I think of all these complaints, I consider how selfish I am for even mentioning them, when my Uncle and his family are going through so much. Worse though, than the guilt, is the fact that I fell off the positive bandwagon. I have spent the past few days concentrating on the negative, and it has done nothing but make me feel more ill and more exhausted with each passing day.

I am going to keep the faith that my Uncle will beat this condition, that Christmas will go off with laughter and smiles and that the changes in work will only make my job more productive and more enjoyable each day. I need to smile, I need those around me to smile and I need to believe that "this too shall pass."