Turning Point

I have not been able to blog in a bit, as I had nothing positive to say and I did not want to write and dwell on my sadness and worry. I also did not want to write about something, have it turn out badly and then have to face that post each time I log into my blog.

Vaquita has been very sick. She slowly became lethargic over last weekend and when I brought her to the vet Monday for her second lyme shot, the doctor said she appeared extremely anemic and bloated. He pulled blood and because I was worried, I stayed home with her on Tuesday. The doc called Tuesday around 9:30am and gave me horrid news, in short telling me that either I had to bring my new baby to an emergency hospital or she would die. We were in the car by 9:45am. Vaquita was in desperate need of a blood transfusion and her liver levels were way off. I rushed her down the cape to the specialist hospital and had to leave her and a deposit of $2000. They gave her the transfusion and ran a multitude of tests. The doctors did start to treat her for the tick-born disease Erichliosis, after I spoke to the people in Puerto Rico who sent her to me. They were adamant that Vaquita must be suffering from that disease. She did start to respond to the treatments and get better. I am still waiting on some more blood tests, but so far she is doing great and after three long days, I can finally bring her home this afternoon. She will need daily antibiotics and weekly blood tests, but it looks like my pup will make it. I am not sure how I will pay this whopping bill, but I could not give up on her and lose another dog so soon.

I also was worried about a friend of mine who had a mole removed and was told it was cancerous. He is only 23 years old and his family has a history of death from skin cancer. We had to wait a week for him to see the surgeon to find out the prognosis, and thankfully he will only need one more surgery and then will be fine. What a relief! This guy worries worse than I do, so the psychological danger to him was making me more nervous than the physical danger. I am very happy that he received such fabulous news!

Moxie was supposed to be leaving. He is my horse's field mate. Mox is the only horse with whom Capall can be turned out and not have her go into raging heat or kick the crap out of him. She does not play well with others, but Mox is a grouch, so they have an interesting love-hate relationship. They kick at each other every morning, but never connect and actually get upset when one notices the other is upset in any way. It's cute. CV was going to sell Mox because she doesn't have time for him and is unable to ride anymore. I had a bad feeling about the woman who wanted to buy him and she finally backed out. Wing-nut! It's a long story, but I know Moxie is better off. Ok, so I am excited for my own selfish reasons as well, but I do truly want him to be a happy pony. He is happy at our farm.

I realized something this past week. I constantly felt as though I needed to change something in my life, that if I did so, I would not have this feeling of worry and stress. I came to understand it is change that is upsetting me. So many events are occurring around me of which I have no control. I could not stop my puppy from getting sick, I could not help my friend to not have cancer, I could not stop CV from selling Moxie, and I could not fix so many other "wrongs" that I have been watching occur around me. I watch people I care for suffer though hard times and I can not seem to do a damn thing about it and it makes me crazy. I carry that pain in my back, and I only end up with my own disabling problems and am no help to anyone. I need to accept that things happen for a reason. We need to learn from them and move on. The Universe only puts on us what it knows we can handle. I need to trust myself and turn what at first may seem to be a negative, into a positive. That concept is not very easy for me, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed, but I CAN do it. Unless I want to end up a physical wreck, suffering forever with sever back pain, I HAVE to do it.