Fluctuations

So many ups and downs lately, it's making me dizzy. My birthday was fantastic. A quiet dinner for two turned out to be a surprise party with 25 of my dear friends. I can't believe they did that for me, I was so honored and touched. We had a fantastic time, my best birthday ever! I also got the courage to tell someone how I really felt, and I am glad I did...especially because he feels the same way.

Today was a downer. Kayla is not well. The vet mentioned surgery again, but I just can not let my selfishness prevail and make my dog go through that stress so I might have her a few extra months. She looked awful when I picked her up from the hospital today, barely able to walk. It's amazing how one can forget one's own pain when a loved one is in need. My back is still a wrenched mess, but I quickly picked up my Beloved Bully and carried her to the car. She is lying on her favorite couch now, feeling pretty good...which is all I really want for her. The people at work are being understanding about my need to miss out on some work because of Kayla. Again, tomorrow I will have to go into work late. I appreciate that they can let me be during this time.

I was disappointed this weekend in someone. I am an optimist when it comes to people about whom I care. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they will do unto me as I did unto them. I was wrong, very wrong about one person...and it hurts. I believed someone who was so close to me would keep a promise. Again, I was wrong. I should not let it bother me, but it does. I hate for anyone to do things which are knowingly wrong...How must that person feel? Could such a person believe hurting someone who cared is ok? I will never understand. I believed I would hear some birthday greeting, despite all the negativity which has occurred, but I was wrong in that sense as well. It is too bad.

Despite the negativity, I have people who check on me daily, who love me dearly and who would drop anything to come to my aid. I am privileged. I would do the same for them. I guess that is what Love is all about.